A few years ago during this little thing called the Super Bowl, Janet Jackson decided to treat the milllons of viewers tuning into the halftime show to some nipple action, and ever since then we all have suffered for it. The following year we had to endure a halftime show starring the ultra-safe and utterly boring Paul McCartney performing in a manner that seemed better suited for a nursing home than for the big stage. The world snoozed, but network censors were happy. More blandness followed along with mandatory longer delays during live television. America was saved.

Still, every once in a while something manages to slip through the morality filters that are in place these days. Usually, I’m ok with that, but not after what I saw on television last night. Whether it  was the result of some wily ad execs pulling one over on some silver-haired gatekeeper or just a case of bad judgement on the part of a whole lot of people, I’ll never know. But I didn’t need to see what I saw.

I will be forever scarred by Aussie’s new commercial for its “Opposites Attract” hair product.

Actually, the credit for this one goes to my wife who was so horrified by the commercial that she immediately rewound the dvr and called me in the room to witness what I will forever refer to as “porno kangaroo.”

In case you’re wondering, that purple marsupial is the longtime mascot of the Aussie brand, as explained to me by my wife. It seems that our purple friend has made her way into a massage parlor – the setting for many an adult-themed movie. Look it up. You know you want to.

What the hell is that? It sure doesn’t look like a pouch from where I’m standing. After the massage becomes too intense, out from the kangaroo’s interestingly shaped orafice explodes a bottle of hair product.  Adding to the overall disturbing feel of this commercial is that on television, that hole appears red on the inside. Believe it.